I'm one of those people who brag about being super honest... and until recently I really thought I was, until I realized I was only honest about things that I don't like... while keeping to myself those that I do. Is this being dishonest? Maybe not. Is this bad? Yes.
I'll try to make my point with this little story about something that happened just an hour ago.
During two years and a half of my life I studied French. Today, I went for a second time to a french conversation group, but truth is that although I can understand I am aware that I look (and sound) like I'm slow when trying to speak. Well, anyway... the French organizer had a conversation with me about how he thinks I have very strong bases, even though now I am slow and how I shouldn't give up.
Even though he made a point of how bad I am, my happiness leveled up one step. My confidence leveled up two steps.
Then after the whole event, his girlfriend asked me with a huge smile in her face: "Are you coming next week?", then as she saw I hesitated a little she added "please, please do! It's very good to have you here!".
This people receive no monetary reward for this, and still they find nice words to say... sounding pretty authentic therefore, my happiness and sense of belonging leveled up about three steps.
This made me think: why can't I be like this people, being honest about what I like and not only about what I think it's wrong? Why is my ego so big that I can't tell someone that I would like their company?
It's a huge problem. It comes from the same place where the "not telling someone your co-workers appreciate their work", "not telling your parents you love them", "not telling your friend how grateful you are" and other "not telling..." problems come from. This and many, many others I miss saying on a daily basis. And why should I?
First of all, I find that at least for me this is working in a self-destructive way. Maybe not admitting you like what everyone else is doing, not telling someone you enjoy their company... all these are, I believe, ways of trying to protect oneself, ways of protecting our pride and ego. If you don't expose the whole truth, you quit exposing yourself too.
But it's necessary to try to realize how it looks like from the other side.
Until this point, outside of movies I don't know about anyone who is able to read minds... so what happens when we don't tell someone we appreciate them or what they do? They will never know, and therefore assume that we don't or we simply don't care. We burn what could be, we destroy the possibility of growing closer to that person, at the same time that we lose an opportunity to make someone feel or even actually be better.
Truth is, what we say does influence what people feel. I wish I were able to say that what others think doesn't affect me, but the sad reality is that is does. So why can't we make someone feel better by being completely honest? Why do we only say the bad? Is this some sort of need need to see others diminished? Does that makes us bigger?
So the new purpose is to quit being only half-honest admitting only the wrong I find and try to be completely honest, saying out loud what I actually like... which (already) being honest, always is more than the bad.
Wow, you made it to the end of this long blog post written by a non-native english speaker... you must be a great reader.
Let's level up those confidence/happiness lines around :)
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